Sometimes I find it a struggle to balance being true to myself and being real.
Like, being a good friend…but also only surrounding myself with positivity. Which sometimes makes me feel like I’m actually being a bad friend.
Like, running to run and for fun…but then stressing about how many miles I am actually doing (not as many as I’d like) and then wondering why I even *care* how many miles if I am running for fun?
Like challenging myself physically and mentally…but then feeling myself stagnate a little and wondering if I am actually challenging myself at all these days.
Like chronicalling less…but finding myself wanting to chronicle more. About M. About life. About stuff….and then meandering back to my ‘live more’ mantra.
Being real. Sometimes its harder to balance being real with being true to myself.
Because sometimes I WANT to run a race again, but then I realize I really don’t. I just get caught up in the excitement of it.
Because sometimes I WANT to just say no to certain social gatherings and stick to my ‘less is more’ mantra when it comes to friendships, but then feel compelled to say yes because I feel obligated or guilty saying no.
Because sometimes I WANT to shout from the (proverbial) rooftops about the depth of our love is becoming, with each moment, day, week, and weekend, but then want to respect those private moments we’ve shared between just us. Because I truly believe that’s where they belong.
Because sometimes I WANT to find a new physical challenge for myself…but then also love my ‘maintenance’ routine that I’m in right now and wonder why I feel compelled to find another challenge or goal. Is it necessary? Am I shying away out of fear? Or being too type A with always challenging myself with something? I just don’t know.
I’m being real…in that I feel like I am a walking oxymoron lately. Am I the only one that has internal battles like this…all the damn time?
